The Other Side of Pain
by ShutUpAndPull
Summary: An entry for the #Castle28 writing event (please note that some circumstances and characters have been altered or eliminated): A variation on a moment after Kate's shooting and its resulting effect on Rick and Kate's relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**AN** : A word of thanks to the organizers and sponsors of this writing event. Hearing many talk, one might believe the fic world in this fandom to be a tiny one, but it's truly anything but. I hope some of the other quiet writers out there found their way to this exercise and joined in. These stories are all we have now, so we should encourage any and all to contribute their ideas and creativity to this space.

This event proved to be a challenge for me, and what I'm sharing is my 13th attempt at a contribution, each of them quite different in approach and angle. What I ultimately realized was that I really just wanted to write moments I wanted to see and to write conversations I wanted to hear.

* * *

 _ **The Other Side of Pain**_

He could feel the warmth of her blood as it seeped through the fabric of her uniform and coated his palm. It wasn't like any sensation he'd ever experienced, one that struck a fear in him so powerful it nearly knocked him off his feet. Her eyes remained locked on his as tears rolled across her cheeks and into the grass below, and he could hear her silent screams for help as her broken body shuddered in response to the metal's cruel invasion.

He could sense the chaos happening all around them, yet somehow they were the only two people in the world in those moments. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. He had so many words swirling around in his head, so many words he'd been saving for someday, so many words that had nothing to do with cases or books, and he wanted to shout them all at the top of his lungs, but it was her voice that came instead, feeble yet sure.

"Castle, I want…" She struggled for breath against the weight of her injury, and Rick tried his best to help support her head and her neck as he fought to keep firm pressure on her wound. "You're the only one," she slurred, fighting for air.

"Kate, don't talk, please," he implored her. "They're coming. Help is coming. I promise."

She wheezed out a single cough and her eyes fell shut. "I love you," she exhaled as a paramedic shoved Rick aside.

 **xxxx**

Rick sat alone in the front pew of the hospital chapel, his thumb pressing firm circles into his bloodstained palm as tears welled up in his eyes. It wasn't a place he found himself often; in fact, he couldn't recall the last time he'd been inside a church for something other than a wedding, and he desperately wished to be anywhere but. He came for the silence, knowing well the comfort so often advocated was something he'd never find there - surely not now - but more than that, he came because he couldn't bear to look Kate's father or her friends in the eye any longer, not after he'd failed her and them so completely.

It was all running on a slow-motion loop in his brain: the argument, the hangar, the gunshot; over and over it played, like a horror film without end, one he couldn't find escape from. Kate was somewhere in that hospital, cut open and fighting for her life, and his failings helped put her there. It should've been him in that operating room. Life had forced her to fight enough. He closed his eyes and begged to wake from the nightmare.

"Castle?" A soft voice called to him from the back of the room, and he turned to find Lanie coming towards him, her eyes filled with exhaustion and sorrow.

"What happened?" Rick snapped, wiping away his tears. "Did something happen? Is she-"

"She's in the ICU, Castle. She's fighting." Lanie sat down in the pew behind him. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Your mom said you came up here."

"I don't know what the hell I am, Lanie. I don't know how to even begin to process any of this." His chin dropped and she reached over and touched his arm. "I can't lose her, not after she…" His voice trailed off before he said anything more. He didn't want to say it out loud. He didn't want to set it free for fear it might disappear.

"We're not going to lose her, Castle, do you hear me? Don't even think like that. Kate Beckett is the strongest person I've ever known, and she needs only good right now." Her fingers squeezed at his skin.

"I know," Rick said faintly. "I know."

Lanie sat quietly with him for a few more minutes and then slipped out, leaving him as she'd found him, wondering if she'd done him any good at all.

 **xxxx**

Rick never left the hospital for a minute, despite the pleadings of his mother and daughter who could only watch as he anguished through the hours of wait, and he looked every bit the part. They'd finally gone to fetch him a change of clothes and some toiletries because he'd refused to go himself, refused to leave Kate until he was able to see her with his own weary eyes.

"You look like you need about a dozen of these," Jim Beckett said as he sat down next to Rick in a stale 5th floor lounge, an obligatory Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand. "Wasn't sure how you take it, so it's just black."

"That's very kind, thank you," Rick said. "I'm not sure a dozen would even do the trick at this point, but the journey of a thousand miles, right?" He swallowed down a sip and his untended throat felt instant gratification.

"When was the last time you ate something, Rick?"

He couldn't remember the last time, nor did he care. "I honestly don't know, but I'm fine, really," he replied, downing another sip of lukewarm coffee.

Jim nodded knowingly. "Well, I'd tell you to take a break and go and grab something, but I think I've heard enough about you from Katie over the years to know that won't happen."

Rick smiled thinly. Kate had once told him her mother used to call her Katie, but he hadn't actually heard anyone do it. He liked it. "I suppose I've been accused of being stubborn a time or two."

"I believe the word she used was loyal, Rick, and I know how much she values that. She doesn't allow herself to count on very many people, which I'm sure you've figured out by now."

"Yes, sir, I have," Rick said, letting her father's words wash over him. He thought for a moment as the two sat in silence, wondering how much he should say, if anything at all. "Mr. Beckett, I know I'm not actually a cop, but your daughter's partnership means everything to me, and I want you to know I'd do anything to keep her safe."

"I was there, Rick. I was in that cemetery. I know what you tried to do to protect my daughter, and I know it's not the first time you've risked your safety for hers." He put his hand on Rick's shoulder as he continued. "I don't care that you're not an actual cop, Rick. You're more Katie's partner than anyone ever has been, and I hope that when you think about what happened to her out there, you remember that and understand that none of it was your fault."

Rick didn't want to lie to him, so he said nothing, acknowledging Jim's words with but a look. Accepting he wasn't to blame, even in the slightest, seemed an impossible reality to fathom. "Whatever happens, Mr. Beckett, I'll find whoever did this. I don't care how much or how long it takes."

"I have no doubt that's true, Rick," Jim said, both men turning towards the door as it suddenly pushed open.

"Mr. Beckett," the doctor said as he approached, "I've just come from looking in on your daughter and we're going to allow you to see her now. It can only be for a few minutes and she won't be able to communicate with you, but I can take you down there if you like."

Jim stood without a second's hesitation. "Absolutely, thank you," he said, looking back at Rick, still seated in his chair. "Would you like to see her, Rick? Would that be all right, doctor?"

"Normally we only allow family members under these circumstances, but if you don't have issue with it, I think I can make an exception," the doctor replied.

Rick could barely find voice for his thanks.

 **xxxx**

Jim came out of Kate's room after fifteen minutes inside, and Rick's heart instantly began to pound. He had no idea what to expect, what he'd find on the other side of that door, what he'd think or feel or say in those precious moments he was being gifted. He only knew he wanted more - so much more - and he needed her to hear that.

He stepped into the room with Jim's blessing and let the door close behind him, frozen as the sights and sounds bombarded his senses. She was close, the room small and cluttered with medical equipment of all sorts, and he immediately fell into rhythm with the soft beep of one of the machines, counting each silently in his head as he moved towards the side of the bed where a chair waited for him. He had no idea why it brought comfort, but with little else to turn to, he gladly welcomed the oddity.

She was pale. She was so pale and her lips dry from the unforgiving air of the place. And she looked so small. He'd never thought that about her before, but she did. He wanted to tear the tubes away and wrap her small body in his arms, but this wasn't fiction, this was vicious reality.

Rick sat and watched her for a moment or two, watched and soaked up what he could of her. Despite the evil that had been inflicted and, in its wake, the extremes that had been brought to bear for her survival, she looked astoundingly beautiful, more so than any person he'd ever known - even there, even like that. Her hand lay at her side and he covered it gently with his own to feel the warmth of her, to share some of his own.

"I tried to smuggle in some coffee for you, but the nurse confiscated it," he teased. "Guess she must be a tea drinker." Humor came easier. "I had a nice talk with your father today. You came up, actually." He smiled remembering their conversation and Jim's words. "I came up, too. That was my favorite part, naturally. And, yes, I did just roll my eyes on your behalf." He'd stopped counting the beeps he realized then, his heart calmed by the closeness of her. "God, I hate this. I should be the one in this goddamned bed."

He lowered his head perched it against her arm. She'd said those words. She had. He'd heard them - despite the pandemonium, despite the shock and fear coursing through him - and they were everything he'd ever wanted. "I can't lose you, do you hear me? I can't. You have to come back to me, and I promise you I'll spend the rest of my life if I have to making this right."

Rick heard a soft knock at the door and it opened. "I'm sorry, Mr. Castle," the nurse said, "but it's time for you to go now."

"I'll be right out," he told her, cueing her kindly to go. "I love you, too," he whispered once they were alone again, and he pushed from the chair.

 **xxxx**

Rick spent the better part of the next eighteen hours outside Kate's hospital room, having moved from the lounge upstairs to a bench beside her door. He'd finally allowed himself a short break for some much needed fresh air when Martha had returned with a bag of fresh clothes and a toothbrush, but he still hadn't slept. He was long past tired, anyway, and his brain was still far too wired to allow him that brand of relief.

The nurses quite enjoyed his company and he theirs, his charm ever-present despite the circumstances, and he found Jim an admirable conversation partner, most of his time spent with him as they waited for updates from Kate's doctors as to her progress. Jim was in with her for his first visit of the day, and Rick was busy texting back and forth with Alexis when he found himself startled by the echo of a laugh emanating from her room. Seconds later the door flew open with a whoosh, and Rick turned to find Jim standing there with a look of shock on his face.

"She's awake. Katie's awake," Jim said, sounding every bit the proudest father that'd ever existed. The nurse at the desk immediately reached for the phone to page the doctor. "She just opened her eyes and said your name, Rick. I was standing there, looking out the window and thinking about her with Johanna, and she just woke up like it was any other morning."

Rick swallowed back the lump of emotion building in his throat. Like a race car slamming into a wall, it hit. "She's awake?" he asked foolishly, verbalizing something he hadn't intended to.

"And asking for you," Jim replied. "So much for dear old dad, it seems."

Rick didn't know what to say, about the news or to her father. He could barely catch his breath, but a reprieve came in the form of her doctor, and he allowed the two men to speak. He sent Alexis a final text message with the news and asked him to pass along the update to Martha, before he sent a separate message to Lanie. His thumbs moved like lightning across the keys, keeping pace with his racing heart. It felt like no chapter he'd ever written.

The two waited in fervid silence for her doctor's return, hoping for the best of news and anxious to see the woman they both loved so completely. Rick's mind flashed back to the moments he'd come so close to blurting it out, to admitting the feelings he'd being living with, and to those words from Kate during their argument when she'd asked him if friends and partners was all they truly were to each other. If only he'd known then. If only he'd imagined she could ever feel half of what he felt.

"Rick, hello, are you there? Rick," a voice said from somewhere far away. He felt something touch his shoulder and he flinched. "You should go in first. Katie asked for you," Jim said, snapping him from his mind's journey.

"Sorry, I was...no, sir, you're her father," Rick stammered, still gathering himself.

"Yes, I am, thank you," Jim said, mockingly but not, "but right now I need to give her what she wants, and that, Rick, is you. I'll be right behind you. You can promise her that."

Rick didn't want to think about what he'd meant but not said. He didn't want to think about the possibility that they could still lose Kate and that every second of time had to be treated as though it could be the last. "I'll do that. I'll tell her," he said, and he stepped up to the door for, undoubtedly, one of the most surreal moments of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Kate didn't move when Rick came through the door, but her eyes found him instantly and they smiled; he felt it as surely as he'd felt anything in his life. He crossed to the bed and gently touched her foot through the blankets, the second time he'd touched her during those dark hours simply because he wanted to, and it was intoxicating. "How is it, Detective, that you've managed to look better than I do after all of this?" he asked playfully.

She glanced towards the chair next to the bed and he took the suggestion, dropping into it with muffled giddiness as their eyes met steadily for the first time since those horrific moments in the grass. "What else is new?" she quipped, her voice hoarse from the tubes earlier extracted from her throat.

"Oh, now, that's very nice. Just for that, it's the green Jell-O for you tonight, not the red Jell-O. I have some pull with the nurses now, you know. I can make things happen," Rick teased, falling easily back into their comfortable pattern of banter. "In all honesty, though," he went on, a swift and marked shift in his tone, "I don't think I've ever seen you look more beautiful."

Kate opened her hand and he took it. "Thank you," she rasped.

"Just speaking the truth, Detective. I understand you cop-folk prefer that sort of thing."

She tried to squeeze his hand, but had little strength to bring it to pass; still, he sensed her effort and acknowledged it with gentle pressure of his own. "Thank you," she told him again, "for saving me."

Rick grinned as her eyes fell closed. "Always," he said into the stillness of the room.

 **xxxx**

Jim brought Kate home after a sixteen-day hospital stay, insisting she agree to let him spend nights at her apartment for at least a little while in order to keep an eye on her, while Rick promised he'd be available during the day if she needed or wanted anything at all. There was much work to be done in terms of rehabilitation and strengthening, both physical and emotional and none of it easy, and neither was going to allow her to go through those processes on her own, no matter how much, in expected form, she insisted she could.

Rick unlocked the door to her place on her third afternoon home, his hair and clothes dripping wet from an unexpected late-spring storm and his hands filled with bags from the market down the street. He'd had a copy of her key made that morning so she wouldn't have to be up to let him in and to lock up after him all the time, and his first use of it, despite its entirely practical application, brought him immeasurable pleasure.

"You aren't dripping on my floor, are you?" Kate called out from her position on the couch as Rick pushed the door shut with his behind. "It's pouring out there." She could see the grin on his face as he stepped into the kitchen, and she matched it, his appearance comical in its dishevelment.

"Honey, I'm home," he beamed, setting the groceries on the center island. "And, is it? You know, I hadn't noticed." He shook his head and water droplets flew everywhere.

"Stop enjoying this so much, Castle," she said, reacting to his intimation of their domesticity. "This is all temporary - _very_ temporary." Her voice was sleepy but her words strong. "I'm already so sick of this place, I could scream," she mumbled, intending the words for no one at all.

Rick stopped unpacking the bags and looked up at her, her expression overrun with frustration. "Hey, I know you hate this. I know you hate being away from the precinct and being taken care of, but, Beckett, your body just came through an unimaginable ordeal and it's going to need some time." He hated it for her, too, he did, but he also couldn't deny how good it made him feel to be there for her in that way.

"Thanks for the news flash, Castle," she hissed, tossing her book onto the coffee table - recommended reading from one of her nurses about processing traumatic events and their resulting injuries. "I was there."

It wasn't the first time she'd snapped at him, but he'd been prepared for that part of it and he understood it wasn't her talking. "So, I got a bunch of good stuff at the market," he told her, steering the moment as best he could with the tools at hand, "and you'll be happy to hear I put down the cookies before I got to the checkout and tossed a couple of extra grapefruits into my basket instead." She met his eye with furrowed brow and he knew he had her. He swiftly pulled the secret package from one of the bags and headed towards her, terribly pleased with himself for providing a moment of fun.

"Never joke about oatmeal cookies, Castle," she said, accepting the gift from his outstretched hand. "They're serious business."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, once again feeling his Kate looking back at him after a moment away.

"It's 'Yes, _Detective_ ,' got it?" she corrected whimsically, tearing into the package.

 **xxxx**

It'd been over a month since the shooting, and they hadn't talked about that day at any length yet, not with each other at least, and Rick honestly wasn't sure if they ever would. Kate had her therapist, someone to turn to - by choice or not - but absent a nudge, she'd never really been one to open up and share, and despite his profound desire to know where the future of their relationship stood, his concern over pushing her too far, too fast had thus far won out.

Jim had stopped spending nights on her couch, a decision more hers than his, and that night Rick brought over some movies for them to watch; sometimes Kate appreciated company more than conversation, and the compromise was usually served well by a couple of old films and a shared bowl of popcorn. She'd grown more accustomed to him spending so much time in her space, not that she'd said so, but like their time together at the precinct, he'd felt something of an ease settle in.

"You seem quieter than usual tonight," he said, Kate seated close on the couch. "You feeling okay? Can I get you anything?" She didn't offer a response, but he waited and watched, the animated light from the television granting him the ability to see her face. "Well, I think I'm going to go get us some more popcorn," he continued, moving to stand.

Kate reached out and grabbed his hand, catching him entirely off guard. "Can we go somewhere, Castle?" she said, closing her fingers around his.

He could see it in her eyes; they were practically begging for his acquiescence. "Is it…is something wrong?" he asked with audible concern.

"Nothing's wrong, Castle, I just want to take you somewhere, okay."

He glanced down at his watch, not that he could see much. "Should you even be-"

"I don't care, Castle, please," she interrupted. She hadn't let go of his hand, clinging to it even tighter as she awaited his response.

Rick tugged gently on her hand to help her up. "We can go, of course. I'll take you wherever you want to go, Kate."

She nodded thankfully and disappeared into the bedroom. He had no idea what to think or if he should be worried or if he should've agreed at all; he could only sense that whatever it was that was going on inside of her was more important than any of those things.

Kate appeared from the bedroom a few minutes later, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and carrying an empty canvas bag. It was the first time he'd seen her in weeks that he actually forgot she'd been shot. It was as though she'd been suddenly energized and the force of it was radiating off of her. "I just need one more second," she said, heading for the small closet in the hallway and filling the bag with whatever it was she'd found there of use. "Castle, can you come carry this?"

"I can," he said, clicking off the television. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Just let me show you, okay?" She headed for the door and he followed, as he always did.

 **xxxx**

Rick pulled the car over and parked along the stone wall at Kate's direction. His was one of only a couple of cars along that stretch of sidewalk, and Kate reached into the small pocket of her t-shirt and pulled out her badge, setting it up in the front windshield in case a patrol came by and wondered what the car was doing there. "I like your style, Detective," he said, pressing the button for her seat belt before freeing himself from his own. "Maybe I should get one of those. Think the NYPD would go for it?"

"I think there aren't enough forms for you to sign to convince them to give you one of those, Castle, but I guess that's what dreams are for, right?"

"Yeah, I'll add that to my list right under having my own monkey, thanks," he replied, tossing the sarcasm back her way. "One more of those jabs and I might not help you out of the car."

"Door, Castle," she grunted in a voice he knew well.

"Right," he said, quickly climbing from the driver's side and appearing at her door, her smile swallowed before he was able to appreciate it. "Be careful," he cautioned, ever cognizant of her healing body, as he offered his hand.

"I'm tired of being careful," Kate said, almost in a whisper. "Grab the bag and let's go."

Just a few feet away stood tall gates made of decorative iron, their beauty masked but not entirely obscured by the dark of night. Insects fluttered against the bulb of the single street lamp nearby, and they could hear their concentration of wings against the quiet spring air.

"Kate, is this-?"

"Come on, Castle," she said, moving down the sidewalk as quickly as her body would comfortably allow. She was eager, excited, more so than he'd seen in a long time, and he walked proudly along with her without hesitation. When they finally came to a break in the wall, she stopped. "Here, we're going in here. There are flashlights in the bag."

Rick pulled out one for each of them and stepped inside behind her. He wanted to ask so many things, but he was there for her and he wanted whatever this was to be on her terms, so he took her lead and remained silent. The air around them smelled of freshly cut grass and night-blooming jasmine, and it was peppered with the sounds of nature in all its nocturnal glory.

"How are you doing? Do you need to stop and take a break?" he whispered, not sure why but sensing it appropriate, somehow. He couldn't believe how she was moving. It quite astounded him, really.

"It's just over here. We're almost there," she answered but not answered, making the final push up a notable incline along the path and coming to a stop in a place she clearly knew well. "Castle," she said, out of breath yet not at all hindered by it, "I want you to meet my mom."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Rick pointed his flashlight towards the stone and its beam danced with Kate's around Johanna's name. It felt almost as though he was frozen, the chemicals released in a rush from his brain rendering his body fixed. He knew of her mother only from a file, only from anecdotes and old photos, but Kate had now brought him to a sacred place and a moment he'd quietly longed for, one he'd hoped she might come to trust him enough to share. The overwhelming impact of his wish's realization was something he hadn't expected, though, and he most certainly hadn't prepared to find himself face-to-face with it on that evening.

"I'm sorry, but this is going to be one of those rare moments when words fail me spectacularly," Rick said. "I didn't…" He turned back to her but couldn't see her face in the dark.

"Pull out the blankets, Castle," she said. "I'd like to sit for a bit."

Rick covered the small area of grass with the blankets, helped Kate into a comfortable position, and sat down just behind her, allowing her to remain close to her mother, giving her space to do whatever it was she needed so much to do that night. He wanted to memorize everything about it; that was his writer way, of course, but more than that, this represented one of the most guarded corners of Kate's heart and he wanted to take every part of it he could with him.

"I like the way it feels here," he said after a moment or two. "It feels peaceful and gentle."

"I like the way it feels with you here," Kate said without pause. "I don't know why it took me so long," she added, sounding regretful.

Rick understood all too well, her words resonating deeply within him. He felt so much for her that he hadn't yet shared, so much that might've gone forever unsaid had the sniper's bullet succeeded in its effort. "I'm just very happy to be here with you now," he said, touching her lower back reassuringly, "though I must admit to being a bit confused as to why we had to come tonight."

Kate rotated her body to face him, the flashlights between them casting shadows across their faces. "I talked a lot about you in my appointment today. You asked me earlier why I was quieter than usual, and that's why."

"Oh, please, you don't owe me an explanation. You're still going through a lot, Kate, and I just need to let you do that, however you need to do that."

Kate exhaled a chuckle. "Wow, kinda wish I'd recorded that," she teased before weight returned to her voice. "And I know I don't owe you, Castle, but you're a big part of all of this and there are things I do want and need to say."

"Okay," Rick said with a soft smile. "Then I'm all ears."

She plucked a blade of grass and rolled it nervously between her fingers. "Dr. Burke asked me why I thought you're still here, why you still show up every day after everything that's happened since we met," she began before a notable pause. "I don't know, Castle. I feel like all I've done is push people away, and I know I've done that with you. I just, I couldn't even answer his question." As she went on, frustration began to creep back into her voice. "I mean, Jesus, Castle, you have a family and you tried to throw yourself in front of a sniper's bullet for me. I still can't believe you did that. I can't…I never asked you for any of this: the books, my mom, taking care of me the way you have been. And you're still here."

"And I'm never going anywhere," Rick assured her with the sincerest of conviction. "No matter how hard you push, no matter how long it takes me to convince you to believe it, no matter what happens, Kate, I'm not going anywhere."

With her free hand, she stretched for his, gripping it tightly. There was so much more. "I'm so grateful for you, Rick. My mom and I are both so grateful for you. You've been a warrior for both of us and you haven't asked for anything in return."

"Well, except for some badass cop toys," he jumped in in jest.

"Right, except for those," she agreed with a giggle, looking towards her mother and then back at him. "I brought you here tonight because I wanted to tell you that I meant what I said to you that day, and I wanted my mom to be with me when I told you again. I wanted her to know that despite all the darkness that I've lived, I've also found light, and that's because of you." Her heart was pounding like a drum, but she didn't stop. "I love you, Castle. I love you, and I've loved you for a long time, and I don't want to not say it anymore."

He instantly felt as light as a feather, as though the softest breeze could send him tumbling end over end. There existed no words he'd ever written or ever could write that would sound more perfect on the air than those. "God, I love you, too," he confessed in an exhale of joy and liberation, shifting his body forward and taking her face in his hands. "I can't believe this is finally happening," he marveled. "Wait, this really happening, right? Please tell me this is real and not one of my books."

Kate pushed in and softly kissed his lips in answer.

"Definitely real," he sighed when she pulled back, letting the sensation envelop him.

"Yeah, I've never read anything that good in any of your books," she wisecracked.

"Hey, be nice, Detective, or it might not happen again."

"Is that so?" she said in suggestive tone, her fingers now laced with his.

"Okay, now, you didn't let me finish," he sputtered, caving straight away to her perceived verbal seduction. "I was going to say might not happen again...for, like, two minutes. I mean, consequences are consequences."

"Would you please shut up now and kiss me, Castle. Even my mom's getting bored waiting."

And he did.

 **xxxx**

He drove them back to her apartment with his hand wrapped in hers the entire way, the radio muted, the evening air whistling through the just-cracked windows. Neither seemed to know what to say; there were just too many words, and yet it was the most comfortable of silences. They had no idea what came next, five minutes into the future or five weeks, but in the place of fear, there was relief and thankfulness and a palpable thrill.

"Are you coming in?" Kate asked as they stood outside her door like a pair at the end of a date.

"Yeah, sure," Rick answered with exaggerated nonchalance. "I mean, if you want me to, yeah." He hadn't wanted to leave her for a second _before_ the night they'd just had, so there was certainly no way in hell he was going anywhere after it.

"I want you to," she said, her language purposeful and effective.

Rick used his key to let them in, and they found themselves alone in a familiar but definitively new space, freed from the confines of trepidation and uncertainty, yet sweetly bashful. "Would you like me to make you some tea?" he asked. "I can make you some tea."

"Maybe later," Kate replied, taking silent pleasure in his new state of fluster. "I think I'd like to sit for a little while. I'm kind of tired." Her physical therapy was definitely helping her strength, but she still wore out quickly, which she hated.

"Of course, sure, we can sit. I like sitting." He could hardly believe what he was saying, but he was cruelly powerless against his own idiocy.

Kate settled on the couch and he followed her lead, their bodies pressed up against each other, their breathing synced in almost romantic fashion. "You're nervous," she said, not at all a question.

His body released an unauthorized guffaw and he coughed around it awkwardly. "Nervous? What makes you say that?" The squeak in his voice only served to dig him in deeper.

"Because I know you, Castle. And because you 'like sitting'?" she air-quoted for added effect.

"There is that," he sighed, cursing himself.

"Hey, listen, there's no reason to be nervous, okay," she said, offering him her hand. "This is just me and this is just you and we're just here on this couch making out. That's all, no big deal."

"Okay, yeah," he agreed, her words too hastily processed. "Wait…" He turned his head and her eyes were on him.

"My parents won't be home for hours, Castle," she said playfully. "Now's your chance. You can think of it as research for your next book."

Rick grinned broadly. "I love it when you talk literary," he said. "But, are you sure you're not too tired?"

Kate's eyes drifted to his lips. "I don't care, Castle," she said, and their mouths met.

 **xxxx**

Rick had carried her into the bedroom at some point and watched as she'd slept, marveling at where the day had begun and where it'd ended. His hand had been on her warm body as he'd drifted off beside her, and he'd woken the same way, as though he'd been so perfectly at peace, he hadn't moved a muscle all night. The moment his eyes opened to find her gazing back at him in the soft light of morning, the reality of all that'd happened hit him like a roaring wave.

"God, I'm never going to get used to this," he said in his gravelly morning voice.

"What?" Kate asked, drawing a fingertip down the curve of his cheek.

"Waking up to that face of yours is what. The sun doesn't stand a damn chance," he replied in a stifled stretch. "How did you sleep? You were out like a light."

She pushed herself up into a seated position and leaned back against the pillows. "Well, I'd preface this by saying don't let it go to your head, but we both know how far that'd get me: I slept better than I have in a very long time. How about you? I mean, it being a strange place for you and all."

He rolled over onto his stomach and propped his chin up on top of her thigh. "No place has ever felt less strange, Detective," he replied reverently, and she smiled, drawing a hand through his hair.

"Well, since it's Friday and I don't have therapy today, do you wanna do something with me?" she inquired hopefully, as though he didn't already spend as much of his time with her as he possibly could.

"I was thinking about that last night, actually, as you were sleeping. How would you feel about a few days at the Hamptons house with me? Would you be up for that? The weather's perfect out there this time of year, and we could just sit in the sun and listen to the waves and start this thing right, just you and me."

She tugged gently at his hair. "I think we started this thing pretty right last night, Castle. My lips are so dry, I can barely talk."

He pressed a kiss against her thigh. "Last night was perfect. I'm just feeling selfish, I guess, and I'd like you all to myself for a couple of days. I can call and get your doctor's permission, I can have a nurse on standby, whatever I need to do. I can be very persuasive."

"You can be a pain in the ass," Kate quipped.

"Potato, potahto," he retorted. "Come on, let me steal you away from all of this for the weekend. Come away with me."

"Make me some coffee and I'll consider it," she said, already feeling the warmth of the sun on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

They spent the afternoon in lounge chairs out on the front lawn, the ocean set out like a famed artist's canvas before them. As Rick had promised, it was a magnificent late-spring day, the sun warm and the breeze like soft kisses on their skin. Kate closed her eyes and slept for a short time, and Rick used the respite to work on penning the dedication for his newest Nikki Heat installment. It would prove to be his most difficult to date, given the events surrounding its conception, but she was there with him, still, and that made all the difference.

She insisted upon making them dinner - over his stiff objections in a vain bid to show off his own self-proclaimed culinary prowess - and he watched utterly enraptured as she moved about his kitchen as though it was some sort of choreographed dance, a virtuoso at work in a mastery of craft. Her mother's influence and cable television, she told him with a laugh, and all he wanted was to know more.

They ate and they kissed and they watched each other with new eyes, saving moments in the vaults of their memories that they understood might never have been. That was the world in which they now lived, one thrust upon them by interlopers, and yet one they embraced so completely in its import.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Kate asked him, her lips pressed against his back as he finished tidying up their dishes at the sink. "I think it's almost a full moon tonight."

"I'd like to do whatever you'd like to do," he told her, genuine in his sentiment.

"I like the sound of that," she purred, stepping into a voice he so often used.

His body responded instantly to her timbre, but he breathed through it and came out the other side. "We can take the path down to the overlook. When it's clear, you can see all the way down the beach." He turned off the water and patted his hands dry, rotated to face her. Her eyes were wet with tears that hadn't yet fallen, and focused on him. "Hey, what's this? What's wrong?" he asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Nothing's wrong, Castle. It's all just been a lot in a short amount of time," she said.

"Too much?" He slid his hand down her arm and took her hand. "Look, Kate, I don't want to make you feel any pressure or overwhelm you after everything you've been through. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to do anything. I meant what I told you. I'm not going anywhere, so whatever you need or don't need, I understand."

Kate pushed up onto her toes and kissed him softly. "It feels like I've been holding onto this for so long. I guess the reality of it being free is still a bit strange. Thank you for saying what you did. What I need is you, God help me," she snickered.

"How about we go for that walk now, huh? The sarcasm's getting a bit thick in here," Rick replied with feigned indignation, stepping away briefly to grab a blanket for her.

They wandered down to the overlook, hand in hand, the night sky, absent the obstruction of the city's buildings and lights, seemingly endless above them. He'd been there hundreds of times before, both alone and in the company of others, but it'd never felt as it did in those hours with Kate, her presence everything he never knew was missing from a place he already loved so much.

"Will you be honest with me if I ask you something?" Rick said as they watched the gentle waves roll in and out.

"I'll try," Kate replied as earnestly as she could, given the vague nature of his question.

He grabbed the ends of the blanket he'd wrapped around her shoulders and tucked them up beneath her chin. "Are you scared, Kate? Of the people that did this to you. And I know you'll want to tell me you're not. I know that because I know how you are and how you always try to be. But I want you to tell me the truth."

"Yes," she answered without hesitation or thought. "And I haven't figured out how to be with that yet, not because I live in some fantasy where I think I'm invincible, but because the thought of something happening to me before I can get answers for my mom terrifies me. I need those answers for her, Castle."

"I know you do," he said, hugging her into his body. "And I'm scared, too. No matter how much I might want it, I know I can't be with you every minute of every day, and I can't protect you from everything, and I hate that. That scares me, me without you."

Kate pulled back, traced her thumb across the curve of his lips. "My hero," she spoke reverently.

"A writer can dream."

She reached down and took his hand. "You are, you know. Walk me home and I'll show you."

 **xxxx**

Rick ran a bath for her when they got back to the house, and left her to enjoy it and the quiet while he closed everything up and finished cleaning downstairs. He made a call to Alexis to say goodnight and emailed himself a note about the book dedication that'd come to him out on their walk. He knew now what it was he needed to say. Kate had left the blanket she'd carried outside along the back of the couch and he picked it up to fold it, the scent of her permeating the air around him. It still seemed surreal, that something so extraordinary could rise from the ashes of something so monstrous, but she was upstairs waiting for him and that was his stunning reality.

"There you are," Kate said, opening the bathroom door to find him stretched out on the bed. "I thought you might come keep me company."

"Well, I figured you could probably use a break from this mug of mine, so I thought I'd gift you some peace, but I'm back on the job now, so come over here and get comfortable. I'll even scratch your back until you fall asleep if you want me to. My mother used to do that when I was a kid and it always worked like a charm," he said, pulling back the comforter and sheets for her.

She wore a long t-shirt, his, because she'd forgotten to pack something of her own, and her hair was pulled loosely away from her face, strands of it tickling at the skin of her neck. He could smell the lavender on her from across the room, the very same she'd left imprinted on the fabric of his blanket, and even from a distance he felt its effects. "Or maybe you needed a break from the patient. It's okay, Castle, I can take it," she said, making her way towards the empty side of the bed and climbing beneath the sheets.

"You've clearly spent too much time around me, Detective. You're starting to say foolish things."

"Maybe my doctors can take a look at that when we get back to the city." She rolled her body onto her stomach and settled the pillow beneath her. "Now, I believe you said something about back scratching? Demonstration, please."

"We're a funny pair, you and I," Rick said, adjusting his position to better his access. "I'm…Do you…" he stammered, staring down at her shirt. "The full effect of the demonstration might be better achieved on bare skin, but I don't want to-"

"Go ahead, Castle," she told him, swallowing a smile.

He glided the fabric slowly upward until her back was fully exposed, and then, much to his surprise, she tugged it the rest of the way and dropped it onto her pillow. He'd only seen that much of her skin on a couple of occasions, but under no circumstances as intimate as those. It was as soft as silk; he could already feel it with his eyes as he took in the tiny freckles that adorned it, and its scent was positively intoxicating.

"Castle?" she asked, expecting something that hadn't yet come. "Everything okay back there?"

Rick cleared his throat nervously like he'd been caught at something, which, in a real way, he had. "Yeah, I'm just, yeah, here we go." He began in slow lines, up and down the length of her with his fingertips. He felt her delicately arch into his touch as he moved, the manifestation of her enjoyment inadvertent but clear. He altered his path after a few moments, moving instead in lazy circles and curlicues across her spine and along her neck, and he found himself awed by the closeness, the certainty in their connection.

"I want to show you." Kate's gentle voice came out of the hush and pulled Rick back in. "I want to show you, Castle."

He knew. Without her saying another word, he knew. She began to shift, and he helped turn her until she was on her back, her body exposed for him to see. It was devastating in its savagery, the colors and textures telling a tale no one would ever want to hear. She watched him as his eyes journeyed the path evil had traveled that day and the signatures of heroism that followed. A tear formed and he let it fall, watching as it trailed along the curve of her breast and disappear into the sheets, reminded of her cheek and the grass and the fear.

"You're beautiful," he said around the lump in his throat. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I will never let them hurt you again."

"Rick," she whispered, their pain shared but not victorious.

He leaned over her, touched the intersection of her scars with his lips. "I love you," he said, his breath warm and welcome against her skin.

"I love you, too," she replied.

 _ **End**_


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